Introduction

Maintaining the emotional excitement of romance or “being in love” can be difficult at best – and physically draining at worst – once the day-to-day realities of married life begin to assert themselves. This is especially true when children come along and the wonders of courtship are eclipsed by sleepless nights and piles of dirty diapers.

Dorothy Tennov, a clinical psychologist who worked with thousands of couples, said that “romantic” love, on average, lasts only three years. If we think this sounds depressing, it’s because we don’t yet understand the multi-faceted, many-dimensional, ever-resilient marvel that is genuine marital love.

If marriage is supposed to be a lifetime commitment then it stands to reason that marriage has to be sustained by something bigger and deeper than mere romance. The fact of the matter is that romance is just one of the types of love that hold a marriage together and keep it going.

If you think of marriage as a house, there are four kinds of love that can be thought of as representing the basic components of the structure. If one of these components is missing, the house is incomplete.
The foundation of the house is unconditional love.
This is the kind of love that gives without expecting anything in return. It’s the agape love of the New Testament writers (1 Corinthians 13), the self-sacrificial love that Christ demonstrated on the cross. This “in spite of” love is urged upon us in Ephesians 5:25, where the apostle Paul writes, “Husbands, love (Greek: agapate) your wives, just as Christ loved the church.” This provides the stability needed for a lasting covenant.

The frame of the house can be compared to companionship love.
Open communication, shared activities, laughter, and even tears provide the structured living space within which a couple’s love can be nurtured and grow. It’s significant that the most happily married couples usually describe themselves as “best friends.” In the same way, the passionate bride in Song of Solomon refers to her husband not only as “my lover” but as “my friend” (Song of Solomon 5:16).
The roof represents romantic love because this kind of love is a “peak” experience.
Once the foundation and frame of the house are in place, the roof has something to rest upon. The roof is supported by the first two loves; without them it has no way to sustain itself. Romantic love is a direct response to and celebration of the qualities of the loved one – beauty, charm, strength, tenderness. It’s characterized by the emotional excitement expressed by the bride in Song of Solomon 2:5 – “I am faint with love.” It gleams in the sunlight at the top of the house. But it can’t stand alone. On the contrary, basing a marriage on romantic love by itself would be like unloading a pile of shingles on an empty lot and calling it a house. And to junk the house simply because the roof leaks would be foolish. The proper thing to do in that situation is to make the necessary repairs.
The furniture symbolizes sexual love.
When the roof is on and the house is finished, the furniture can be brought in to decorate the house and make it luxurious. Sexual love is the physical union between husband and wife that is consummated only after the marriage has been sealed.

This love is praised and exalted in Proverbs 5:19, where the writer urges a young man to “rejoice in the wife of his youth”: “As a loving deer and a graceful doe, let her breasts satisfy you at all times; and always be enraptured with her love.”
If romance has faded in your marriage, put it in perspective. By all means, work at renewing it. Set aside a regular date night so that you can spend more time together, even if it means paying a babysitter. Write a love letter to your husband. Buy your wife a rose. Be creative in the ways you show affection to each other. But remember that God’s design for your marriage includes all four loves, each in its proper place. Don’t damage your house by expecting the roof to support more weight than it’s designed to bear.

Main Message: It is the Will of God for a couple to enjoy each other’s company.

Exploration

Proverbs 5:18-19 ESV
Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love.
1 Corinthians 13:1-13 ESV
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; …
Genesis 2:18 ESV
Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”
1 Peter 3:7 ESV
Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honour to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
Song of Solomon 7:6 ESV
How beautiful and pleasant you are, O loved one, with all your delights!
Genesis 2:24 ESV
Therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
Proverbs 31:10 ESV
An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels.
Song of Solomon 6:3 ESV
I am my beloveds and my beloved is mine; he grazes among the lilies.